🔗 Share this article

Name: Conkers.

History: Brought into the UK 409 years ago.

Look: The outdoor world's Labubu.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Go and watch a TikTok video of someone revealing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them call it “the earth's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on Earth are you talking about? Goodness, you really are not up to date, aren’t you? Young people are taking to TikTok to record videos removing conkers from their spiky capsules.

But why? Due to the sense of wonder! When you unbox a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Might it be flattened? What will its shine level be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell gen Z that they are doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you do conkers, then?

Thread a lace through the center, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Is that true? That’s unusual.

Yeah. Your odds improve if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then bake it like a pie. You're not joking?

Seriously. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a weapon? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of arcane and bewildering rules?

It’s traditional! The King recently awarded the global conker competition with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least gen Z is only filming them.

Why don’t you know this? Probably, because some schools started banning conkers two decades ago, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other hot new youth fads.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called clay crafting that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I thought all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that conker thing.

I feel stressed. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Do say: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

Don’t say: “That's crazy.”